whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
