He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
