Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
