Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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