i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
