Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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