Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
