I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
