I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
