Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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