Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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