Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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