Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
