I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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