I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
