remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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