yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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