Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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