uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
