When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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