Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
