M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
