I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
