I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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