The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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