she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
