She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
