i just had sex bonerless
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
