Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
