just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
