You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
