He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
