you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
