Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
