i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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