Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
vagina is talking i cant
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
