On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize