Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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