Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
