Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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