I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize