So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
