we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
