Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why do cheetos always look like penises
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
