Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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