I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
