hotel room ftw
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
