What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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