I like to think it a success when the cops are called
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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