I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I smell stomach acid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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