You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
