The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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