dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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