the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
