omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
