I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
