Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm just crazy horny about you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
