I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
