Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
