He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I supernannyed him into submission
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
