im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
