she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
