Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
