Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
