my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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