just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
