he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
