A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
