If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
