u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
