He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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