oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
