Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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