Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
