Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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