I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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