the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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