Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
