Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
