My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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