I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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