So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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