I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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