he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
