it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
