yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You ruined the universe
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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