Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize