Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
