I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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