U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
