How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize