why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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