ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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