went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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