yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
