I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
