wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
